I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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