Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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