dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
