Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
