she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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