Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize