If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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