i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
