Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
