"it" just moved
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
