Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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