My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
