I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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