I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize