You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
