the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
