maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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