if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
