Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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