u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
