dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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