Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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