honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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