thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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