Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
