i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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