Your mouth is God's brothel.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
