I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
