you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
