You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
