i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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