FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
