do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
