I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
