Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
