I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
