my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
