I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
pray to the hookup gods
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
