Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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