No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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