Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
