have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
