It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
