Plan B is the new Plan A
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
