Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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