she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
