I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
