do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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