Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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