Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
