ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
