so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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