i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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