oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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