I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
