i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is it penis luge time yet?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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