at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
