i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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