Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
