i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
