We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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