It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
