So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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