all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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