How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
