Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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