I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize