bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She told me I should be a condom model.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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