I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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