Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
