brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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