my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
