you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
